tiny myspace: Guys.. what would you think/reply with if you got this email from your girlfriend.?

Hey.. Ok now that I can send messages on myspace finally.. I wanna just clear the air.. I think this is the easiest way.. for the both of us.

Look.. I am sitting here crying.. Why you ask? I don't even really 100% know at this point. All I know is that I am head over heals in love with you..I love you so much Matt. You do mean a lot to me.. you really do. I can honestly say that I have never been in love before I met you.. I know that sounds soo corny and cliche, but its the gods honest truth.. words straight from my heart. When we are having a good time.. or just cuddling with one another.. and I look at you.. In all seriousness, I fall in love with you all over again. Don't ask me what exactly it is about you.. Cause my answer is "there isn't just 1 thing" You have a lot of awesome qualities (and good looks of course) and I just fell for you.. now that I have established these feelings.. I don't want to let them go.. I want "us" to blossom and be ok together.

Now.. I know you and Allen have problems.. and really they aren't any of my business.. but.. when I get involved (allen doesn't like when im there cause he thinks you dont talk to him when I am there or whatever).. it upsets me.. because Its Allen's house and I feel like unwanted there or some crap.. I mean.. it really isn't fair because I myself think Im a good person and for Allen to like not like me or approve of me or whatever.. really does bother me deep down.. I know that YOU can't control that since Allen is his own person.. but.. When I ask you if the argument you and Allen are having is because of me.. and you get all mad and say you don't wanna talk about it.. that just makes it worse on my end.. it makes me want to just leave your house (which is why I do just put my flip flops on and walk out.. I need some fresh air).. now.. I do also know that EVERYONE needs their OWN space and their OWN time to themselves.. Which is WHY I am always asking if you are tired of me.. because I just want you to be HONEST.. I am not a dumb person, and I can tell when I am an annoyance and you want your own space.. Its ok.. you are only human.. you CAN admit it and take me home.. Its ok, I won't feel bad or be mad.

I understand now that you don't want to talk when you are pushed over the edge and full of anger.. I am sorry for pestering you and bothering you to talk.. I know this is not the first, but SECOND time something of the sorts has happend, and I should have learned from it the first time.. but I really didn't think you ALWAYS acted that way when mad and someone trying to get you to open up/talk bout whats bothering you.. Once again, my mistake.. I am sorry.. I won't ever do it again.. I will just stay quiet and give you your time/space.

So.. With all of that being said Matt.. You know my past with men (yes I know I always say this.. but I am just trying my damndest to NOT wind up with yet ANOTHER broken heart.. there is just so much a person can take before they crack and just want to give up.. suffering from a broken heart is 1 of the most painful things to overcome.. believe it or not.. at least it is for me).. I really really really do want to believe you when you first told me you love me and everytimg afterwards.. Most of me does believe it.. but there is a tiny part of me that doesn't (PLZ don't get mad).. we have only been together since the day after thanksgiving (well the day we met).. and YES I do know that love doesn't need any time what so ever to happen.. Its just 2 ppl who really fall hard for one another.. I know all of that.. but.. do me a favor.. sit down somewhere.. all alone.. (in yer bed/bathroom/wherever) quietly.. and just think.. think what is it about Lindsay that you LOVE so much? why out of all girls do you LOVE Lindsay? What is it about Lindsay that stole your heart?? I know I probably sound like a counsler/shrink or some ****.. but I am being serious here.. and in no way am I trying to piss you off.. but PLZ just do it.. and when you have those answers.. plz write back or call me and tell them to me.

I want for us to be in a healthy/commited/trusting relationship with one another.. I want for us to work out and be happy. I don't want to lose you Matt. Before I met you.. I was promising myself that I wouldn't fall for anymore men.. at least not for a LONG time.. but then you came into my life so unexpectedly.. I guess that is what the beauty of it all is.. How it was so just random and me so not expecting such a great guy to WANT to be with me.. I find that so awesome.. It actually makes me want to cry from happiness.. it really does. When we are having good times together (most of the time).. its awesome.. its great being around you.. I have so much fun and look forward to seeing you again/having fun again/sex/cuddling/etc etc.. when I cuddle with you.. and when your arms are drapped around me.. I can FEEL that i am WANTED right there in your embrace.. Its an amazing feeling... that is why I called you a "Teddy bear" that day.

Now on another note.. IF I am indeed pregnant.. Are you sure you are ready for that?? Because, lets face it.. there is a good chance.. We have had unprotected sex with you cumming inside of me A LOT these past times we've been together.. so, all I am saying is.. there is a good chance.. It doesn't really scare me that much.. I mean.. I have 1 child.. I know what babies are all about, and I do want 1 or 2 more kids.. but I am just making sure that YOU are ready for when I tell you "Im pregnant" because lets face it.. It is bound to happen if we keep going at it the ways we have been. I honestly think you WANT to impregenate me.. actually, come to think of it.. you actually did admit to it yesterday. Just making sure you are on board with that situation... My son's father is a deadbeat, piece of ****,asshole.. and I feel so so so bad bout it.. I really couldn't bear to even think bout having another baby and his/her father just vanishing from his/her life.. Babies deserve to have both parents... From getting to know you over this month 1/2.. I really do see you being a great father to your babies.. you just got that charm to you..I see awesome potential for you being a great daddy some day... I am so forever sorry from the bottom of my heart for what happened to your babies in the past.. I can not even imagine how it feels to have your child taken away by the state and never seeing them again.. or having your baby AND partner being taken from you (death).. that gives me the shivers just thinking about it. If you really want the gods honest truth here.. ok here goes.. I would love to be the mother of your child. (wow.. I can't believe I just said that.. seriously though.. im laying it all out there in this email. I do NOT lie.)

I want you to meet Jack.. and if we continue our relationship.. then of course you are going to meet him.. but I am just so nervous because.. you know like I know that he is going to eventually think you are his daddy and possibly even call you daddy. What are your thoughts on that? If you want to be with me like you say you do.. then you gotta realize that I come with son in hand.. (lol).. meaning, with me.. comes my son.. Love me.. love my son as they say. (that is a lot to ask a new boyfriend.. so that is why I am just double checking with you.. making sure you do realize that I do have a son).. Most guys don't like the "baggage" of a child that isn't theirs.. (its ****** up.. but i guess somehow i can understand it)

Sorry this has gotten so damn long..

I just wanted you to know my honest to god, straight from the heart feelings towards you.. and my wants for this relationship. Plz don't tell me "yeah yeah I want the same.. blah blah blah" tell me YOUR honest to god feelings and wants for our relationship.

If you ever want to talk about your past and what is bothering you at the given moment.. I am here for you Matt.. always.. I do not JUDGE anyone.. The day I am perfect if that day I will judge.. and lets face it.. that day is NEVER going to come.. hehe.

I am not like most chicks and run off when the relationship gets a little "bump in the road" along the way.. I don't want to just "give up" on you.. because believe it or not.. we have a lot in common when it comes to our pasts/families.. and I really think we can help one another and lean off one another when we are feeling depressed/down/lonely/sick/etc etc.. I know you don't like talking about your past because it makes you feel so empty and depressed.. and like its all your fault.. but listen to me when I say this.. None of what happend to you in your past is your fault.. NONE of it.. you are a strong willed person in my mind.. you have overcome a lot in your young life.. so much that a lot of other people in your past situations would have problably given up and died or some crap.. You have determination (like I do) and that is an amazing quality. Also,you really have a heart of gold.. you just gotta believe in yourself and just say "**** everyone else".. It took me awhile to face as well.. for gosh sakes I was thrown in a mental hospital because I was letting my past get the better of me and tear/break me down.. Its not worth your own sanity to let "assholes" break you down.. don't let them.. you have the upper hand Matt. Just always remember that.

Alright. I love you. and I want you. Thank you for teaching me how it feels to truly love someone. I hope you take in and believe every single word I just typed.. Plz don't take my feelings for granted.. I am telling you now that you can't and won't find a girl that Loves you and cares for you as much as I do. I promise you that.

Love

Lindsay Cecil

always.

xoxoxoxoxo

oh.. here is my number since you said you don't know anyone's number by heart..

858-231-6520.